She’d barely started out
When her boss heard about
Her weekend performing burlesque
And made her clear her desk
Saying she was out of step with corporate identity
His baleful tone full of prejudice and enmity
Accusing her of conduct unbecoming, rude and lewd
As one of the up and coming Queens of the not quite nude
On the striptease scene
Treating her as cheap, nasty, unclean and obscene.
This from the man who had patted her arse and stroked her breasts
Calling his actions a series of staff loyalty tests.
She slipped out quietly, with neither anger or tears.
He wouldn’t see her again for another four years
When he went along to a cabaret show
And there was a performer he felt he ought to know.
The Compere had welcomed her on to much audience anticipation
She’d already appeared at venues throughout the nation.
“This girl could never be mutton dressed as lamb.
Give a great big hand for Wham Bam Thank You Pam.”
Bossman couldn’t quite remember where he knew her from
Though she’d often patched calls through to his intercom
But then she got into her act
A parody of the day she was sacked
Except now she stripped off her uniform
Throwing it at the fat guy picked out to perform
The role of her boss
Showing him that she didn’t give a toss
She was breaking free from his sexist crap
And crude invitations to sit in his lap.
She spiked his hand with her stiletto heel,
Revenge for all the times he’d tried to cop a feel.
He had thought dismissal would break her
But he had helped to set her free,
Gave her independence and liberty.
The real boss saw himself in the mirror world she revealed
Her clothes came off but he felt it was his soul being peeled
Back layer by layer as the audience cheered
He felt as if they jeered
At him, the only one there not enjoying the dance
The poor bastard didn’t stand a chance.
Protest would prove he was her inspiration
He sat there drowning in his own perspiration
As everyone celebrated her liberation
He was her Muse. He’d lit this fuse
And now she was exploding in his face
Showing him up as an utter disgrace.
The more she removed the stronger she grew
While he shrank into himself as deep down he knew
She’d probably been doing this routine
At his expense since he drove her out.
Why did he feel exposed when she was the one waving her flesh about?
He left before she got down to tit-tape and tassel
He didn’t want to hear the laughter or go through the hassle
Of being identified with lots of giggling, pointing, and staring.
He told himself she was a whore though he admired her daring
And he couldn’t deny that she was turning him on
But he had to get out of there and get himself gone.
She never saw him in the theatre that night
He saw himself in a very different light
Though he could never change his ways
He hassled other women employees
Especially naïve young trainees
Right up to the pre-trial tribunal hearing
That sent his career careering
When he tried to make a secretary dance a burlesque
His own private show right before his office desk
Hoping for a Wham Bam Thank You Pam he could control.
He’ll be out in ten years if he gets parole.
Pam dances in many a man’s dreams
But only one man finds her a nightmare causing screams
The liberated woman supressing the bastard who drove her out
Even though she never ever found out about
The night he saw her show
But she inspired many girls to give burlesque a go
Setting themselves free from the sexist slobs
Ruining their relationships and jobs
Finding themselves as they break free from their basques,
Corsets, silk stockings, gloves and masks;
Shedding their inhibitions
In bold shameless exhibitions
That only the truly repressive could fail to adore.
As her discarded clothes fall to the floor
Her oppressor takes another cell block thrashing
And threats to return, dashing
His brains out if he wakes everyone up screaming again
They want to know why but how can he explain
That a woman taking her clothes off terrifies him in such a way?
Wam Bam Thank You Pam continues to dance her cares away.
When she reads of her old boss committing suicide in his shame
She doesn’t even recognize his name.
Arthur Chappell
Premiered at the Ramsbottom Literature Festival, Saturday 21st November 2015 – Performed by me at various burlesque shows since.
Photos taken by me – poster from my show designed by Lethal Gem.
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