Beware Of Pagan Narcissists
Any social group or society should be cautious of members joining with or developing their own agendas, or not being what they appear to be from the outset or early on. The mask eventually slips. Pagan societies are no exception and in many ways they are more vulnerable to domination by would be cult leaders and callous Narcissists massaging their own egos looking for sensitive and vulnerable people to prey on.
Paganism covers such a wide scope, from history to mythology, to modern beliefs in magic, holistic healing, occultism and environmental needs to become one with nature. It is very easy to develop a passion for any and all such concerns but equally remarkably easy to fake it to use it to some other purpose. Many groups are taken over and turned into personality cults when a charismatic egotist develops his own circle of admirers. The church led to suicide at Waco by David Koresh was poached wholesale from The Seventh Day Adventist Church. Having been in a cult myself in the 1980’s (a Hindu meditation sect), I have seen the havoc some narcissists can generate for individuals, their relationship partners, groups, families, businesses and beyond.
The arrival of a Narcissist might seem innocent enough, a new, rather keen and enthusiastic member, probably bubbling with ideas, questions, etc. They may act as a guest speaker, and many Narcissists are genuinely smart, clever, articulate, etc.
They will quickly make friends, and soon become the alpha male (or female) of the group, dominating most if not all conversation, and this may or may not be the first red flag. Observe closely but discreetly how this is done. They may be just genuinely witty enough to gain such company, a natural Oscar Wilde.
Just as likely however, they will assertively, even passively-aggressively push others out of the chance to join in the conversation, which rapidly becomes a monologue with occasional quickly interrupted attempts to join in by the others. If members seem to drift away from such groups or look disenchanted talk to them discreetly to find out why.
Narcissism comes of course from the Greek Myth of a young man so in love with his own beauty that he drowns trying to merge with his reflection in a lake. True psychiatrically defined Narcissism has nothing to do with personal appearances. The pagan Narcissist (in the sense of joining a pagan group, just as he might join a science fiction society) is more likely to be in love with the sound of his own voice, and arrogant enough to believe his thoughts, views and opinions are all that matter.
In time (often a short time), the Narcissist will not only have his regular satalite audience, social group within the parent one), he will also have targets, the people he often slaps down (verbally), disses behind their backs and pedantically corrects on virtually everything they say. Look out for signs of such behaviour especially when it is being directed to the same individuals all the time.
It will soon become apparent that the Narcissistic member is something of a cold fish, utterly devoid of empathy, (though some Narcissists learn to fake that). If they are in a relationship there may seem little if any real chemistry with their partners, and when you talk to the partner in their presence they often speak for both of them. If someone is ill or even dies or feels grief, they will gain little support from the Narcissist.
Some members may become increasingly uncomfortable in the presence of the Narcissist, or driven to anger or distress by so much as a mention of their name. Some may not attend events if they think ‘S/he’ is going to even turn up. These are the members flat out offended, ridiculed or even bullied (usually bullied) by the Narcissist.
Lots can happen when a direct complaint is raised regarding the Narcissist. First, he will deny any knowledge of what he is accused of, though he will be keen to shut down any discussion of his behavour, attitudes and faults. He may well issue a tirade of counter accusations, and commonly resorts to a tactic psychiatrists call ‘Selective Amnesia’, namely simply and very conveniently not remembering anything to do with what he is accused of. Normally, the Narcissist has near photographic recall of everything, but that bad thing, he suddenly all too conveniently forgets all about.
He hasn’t forgotten at all. He just wants the accusers to forget it, and doubt the reality of what they actually know went on. The Narcissist is very skilled at ‘Gaslighting’, the art of obfuscating reality. The term Gaslighting comes from an Edwardian theatrical crime drama, which has been filmed three times, once with Ingrid Bergman. In the story, a young bride is driven to the brink of insanity by a Sadistic, Narcissistic sociopathic husband. Her things go missing, only to reappear elsewhere later, she hears strange noises and feels haunted and hunted. The gaslighting in the house (the story is set in pre-electricity Victorian London), starts acting up in mysterious patterns. In the final scenes she finds out her husband is causing all these mysterious things to cover up a crime (and in some versions, rob his bride of her inheritance).
The modern Narcissist twists, truth, history and facts to gaslight his targets often just for fun. He can be particularly insensitive and cruel in dealing with people who already have some stress, anxiety and depression, as the Narcissist enjoys kicking someone already down.
The other problem someone seeking support or justice in being entangled with a Narcissist is the ‘Flying Monkeys’, a clinical term bizarrely borrowed from The Wizard Of Oz stories and films, where the Wicked Witch’s army of simion minions fly around doing her bidding, no questions asked. If the Narcissist is questioned, his Monkeys will spring to his defense, and close ranks against the already distressed complainant. They will insist the Narcissist is a nice, kind, reasonable person, that the offensive comments were merely a joke the complainant took badly, that any bullying that can’t be flat out denied was somehow provoked (it never was), and that the complainant is only upset because he or she is already in a known state of anxiety, stress and depression. The Narcissist gets a mulligan (free pass), and the victim is left sulking, or withdraws from the group entirely as the Narcissist seeks out fresh prey. Narcissistic abuse is not a dispute that can often be resolved by making the opposing sides apologise, shake hands and forget it all. The Narcissist will invariably strike again, and should be asked to permanently leave a society he has caused such problems within.
It is frightfully easy for good people to be duped by a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It may be a root cause for why paganism was widely crushed by the growth of Christianity but it can happen with individuals too. The best way to handle an identified Narcissist is total rejection – no second chances. This is someone who won’t be happy until he reduces all around him to a shell, or sinks the ship to get a lifeboat all to himself. Watch one another’s backs and don’t let yourself become a flying monkey.
Selective Memory Link (one of many).
https://www.mindsettherapyonline.com/blog/do-narcissists-have-selective-memory
Arthur Chappell
My First Wordpress Blog 